A Smelly Bathroom
Drip, drip, drip the water spitted from my togs as I got out of the pool, I shivered from the cold as I followed my sisters to the bathroom to have a shower. I felt happy to get out of the pool because I was feeling a little bit hungry. Rumble, rumble, rumble went my tummy.
I got my towel, soap and conditioner and I went in the shower. I opened the door and my eyes fell on the floor, to my surprise I saw a kaka . It looked like a brown long snake with yellow bits of corn in it. It was disgusting, it made me feel like spewing up. My little sister Salina stepped on the stinky kaka because she ran in without looking.
"Ooh yucky kaka!" said Salina
By Nelisa
Wow Nelisa you are an amazing writer. Can you keep writing me cool stories.
ReplyDeleteLove, Aunty.
He korero pai engari kia tupato i roto i to ruma horoi.
ReplyDeleteHatakehi kotiro!
Arohanui Whaea Hepa
Wow Nelisa, I love the honesty in your writing style...I can definitely hear the 'personal voice' in this piece!
ReplyDeleteMrs Gulliver (a teacher from the deeeeep south!)
Nelisa, that is a cool story, I really felt like I was there. You write soooooooo much better than Sala'a and almost as good as Sina!
ReplyDeleteFrom Viv Axon
Wow you are a cutie! I love the words: shivered, rumble, disgusting, stinky, yucky!!! These words make your writing interesting and help me build a picture in my mind and see/feel what you did. Thumbs up to Nelisa! From Jacinda (Your Mum's friend from Christchurch!).
ReplyDeleteGood Nelisa,
ReplyDeleteDid you get help from your parents? Keep up the good work. This is a very descriptive piece of writing. You have used lots of interesting vocabulary.
Keep it up.
Love Aunty Ulz.xx
chur Nelisa-Ailini what a cool story...you should be a journalists like your Aunty Marama...
ReplyDeleteU. Kielo
aww Nelisa for a six year old you write well. I have to read this to Olivia and Va'a they will just crack up. I like how you start your piece off with "Drip, drip, drip ... and how you used lots of describing words :) very talented your lady ... hope you write some more.
ReplyDeleteLove the Ta'alolo Clan Queensland
Nelisa this is awesome you have started to use detail in your writing and so many descriptive words which makes me very proud of you. :))))
ReplyDeleteMrs Gill
Wow that is such a cool story Nelisa I was there when it happened and it sounds like i have gone back in time to that same place when i read this story
ReplyDeletelove sister
Oh my god this is so funny!! I cannot believe all these people are commenting on how well you wrote about a stinky kaka you saw!! :DDDD
ReplyDelete